life...meandering thoughts

So.. there's been a tragedy...there's been a surprise and most importantly there's been a journey begun. It often turns out that one tries so hard for something to happen without much success but ironically, everything usually falls into place the second you stop trying so hard.

Trying to collect and organize a million wayward thoughts is difficult on a warm lazy day...there's so much conflict and excitement and emotion roiling inside of me that everything is coming out in fits and spurts...leading to a rather random stream of information.

then again, who is to say that every individuals sense of order is necessarily the best?...I for one believe in the adage: "to each his own" ...the world is large enough to accommodate every separate individual and their consciousness...

War stories

So it began... a game of chess... I waved the white flag and she instead staked her claim... almost challenging me....Looks like I underestimated her...

I always made the mistake of counting on the goodness of another... Guess the jokes on me .


Some will say I'm being paranoid maybe reading too much into it... chasing phantoms where there may be nothing at all... but you see... sometimes when you're in a fight... it all comes down to instinct...and my instinct tells me this is just the beginning....

The hardest battles are those fought in silence...

She took my white flag.... dang it...

Maybe some good will come of this ...


Maybe I'll have a new story for a scar...

THE LAST SONG

Come dance with me
My lost one
The last song plays
Tomorrow the band moves on
It is end of days

Dreams and dark nights

Dark days cold nights
Fluttering hearts
Winds blowing souls apart
The dawn seems lost in waking dreams
No end in sight or so it seems

Thoughts on love and other things

In love ... One can be tolerant of a lot of things...
But one cannot be tolerant of the diminishing of oneself...

It catches up you see...

When you feel yourself being whittled away little by little

Something inside you speaks up ... A distant voice.. a cry for Survival... Primal in its essence ..

That is the key...

To holding on to yourself

Irrespective of anything you may endure

Instinct.

And the will to survive.

Free

Go on..... Break my heart... She said

he did... Smashed it into a million pieces

she sighed with relief.... Atlast...

She was free....

Life's defining moments

Life's defining moments

As I sit here in the cold and quiet, unlikely strangers turn into kindred spirits...

It's so quiet I can hear him cough and ponder his life ... As I sit here and wonder about my days to come.. the moon paints a pretty picture across the ocean... The streets hum with late night beings and the thrum of civilization

I am me ..whole yet broken ...sitting here in the midst of my failure and my thirst to  become my own saviour

Why is it the hardest falls that must teach us to be the best we can, why does it have to be darkest before the dawn.

I didn't think I had any hope left in me...all these thoughts of ending it all that drift in and out of me... You'd think I'd be happy to to just give and let life take its course ...am I truly a survivor? Or merely too stubborn

Do I revel then in  my transgression or am I simply seeking a more simplistic form of  end?

It's not an easy existence.. constantly looking over my proverbial shoulder... Wondering..managing... Biding my time..to what end?

I felt trapped my whole life...now even more so... And I fear the door I saw on the horizon is fast fading...perhaps it was always a mirage...a prison of my own making...

This happened today

He was an old man , my rickshaw Wala, a little lost and flustered
I joked about the heat and then he apologized and told me his mother had passed not 5 days ago. I mumbled a feeble condolence. Struck by his pain and strength I watched in silence as he wove through the streets, weeping silently. This is life, this is how it rolls

The question

Sometimes we wait for people to catch up because we are afraid if we keep going we will leave them behind

Thank you...

Thank you

For not believing in me...it taught me how to believe in myself

Thank you for letting me fall...It taught me how to pick myself up

Thank you for not hearing me call it taught me how to find my voice

Thank you for breaking my heart... It taught me how to piece myself together

Thank you for being who you are...It showed me how to be myself

Thank you for walking into my life...it taught me I don't have to stay