Paradise lost

I've been living here a long time...captive, in a prison of my own making. Trudging away towards an imagined paradise.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now...but I'm afraid...afraid of what I might find.

I'm not afraid of the bad actually...It's the good...

I'm afraid once I finally get to where I've been going all this while, I'll have nowhere left to go..

What if I can't make it ? What if.... paradise isn't all it's made out to be ? What if I'm not made for the reality that awaits?

What if ... all I want to do is to just keep walking towards paradise ...but secretely never really wanting to get there...

So I sit here, in my make believe prison. Cursing my sentence yet... thankful for the comfort it provides me .

Thankful I don't have to deal with the end result.

But I do want to make it, I just don't want to be disappointed. What if there's no gold at the end of the rainbow

Maybe someday I'll wake up and it'll all be over ..

Day 1

I wake up in the morning... there is a moment of blissful silence and then the voices come... screaming in my head ... churning in my soul.

I try to shake it off and get on with the day... but they're always there...like white noise in the background you learn to ignore ..

But what's worse than the voices is the constant waiting......just waiting for the next bomb to drop.. living on the edge wondering when the next surprise will trip me up and send me over the edge..

So I do what one does...I shake it off... keep going... and just as I'm thinking I'm in the clear ...Bamb!....

And there I am again...rolling down that jagged slope... reopening old wounds.. till I'm back to where I started ..

I'll sit there a while... catching my breath... trying to pick myself up and start over ...
Limp my way back up that slope...the wounds will heal... the scabs will form ...But with each round they go deeper... festering under the fragile scar tissue till life tears them open all over again...

Sometimes I wonder how many knocks it would take to stop healing...How long can you keep patching over a crack till it finally breaks apart and everything crumbles...

The funny thing is...when something keeps hurting over and over eventually you stop feeling it... It's like the nerve endings dying out around an injured limb and everything goes numb... or maybe it's just shock setting in...

I guess I'll know when I know...right now it's time to reset the clock and start over...

Day 1

Wake up..voices...white noise...minefield... Bamb! .it...shake it off...

Cycle..Rinse..repeat ...

Sometimes

Sometimes you just meet a bad guy
Sometimes there nothing you can do

Sometimes the world just crowds around you
Sometimes all you can do is sigh

Sometimes life catches up
Sometimes you're left behind

Sometimes it's pancakes and syrup
Sometimes it's back to the grind

Sometimes it all seems lost and dark
Sometimes the light is blinding

Sometimes the voices call and no one hears
Sometimes it all works out on a lark

Sometimes we need to stand still
Sometimes it's all spinning around

Sometimes we all need a new beginning
Sometimes it's all burnt to the ground

Sometimes all we want is to be lost
Sometimes we're waiting to be found

An ode to endings

Fly away birdie
You have new shores to find
Your nest is gone you see

You'll find a cloud to sail on
While I'm left standing on the ground

The winds have come a flying
The stars have cast a path
Its not like we weren't trying

So now it's time to strike out
Don't turn around and look back

I've seen the writing on the wall
It's been there for a while
It's ok if you answer the call

Perhaps it was meant to be this way
I think it's time to let go

Too long we've just been clinging
The lines are withered and worn
Its time to take what's life is bringing

You've always found your path
Preferred to strike it alone

Sometimes we need a hand to hold
Sometimes it's just not there
You were never one to do as told

So why hang on
Let it all go

Your world is right before you
New joys just waiting to be found
I deserve to find mine too

So just keep on driving soldier
The road is new and unworn

you see you started another story
So even if you want to change the ending
Its still going to be a little gory

Too little to late
How long was I supposed to wait

I can't do this anymore
Goodbye
Don't try to ask me why

Gone

You were too blind
To see me drowning
Too far to hear me call
To catch me when I fall

 I'd given all of me
So I drifted out to sea
Lost And never to be found
Wondering if you'd ever turn around

It's all gone in just one instant
And life it does seem distant
It's not hard for me to say
best to let it fade away
Fade away

Storm

Hush my raging mind
I know there is much to speak
Shed that roiling storm
Of which you reek
Through the waves that
Crash and burn
There are lessons yet
That we must learn
Drown and swim
Fill our soul to the brim
Rip the tide
And crawl ashore
You will find the home
You once knew before
There we'll rest
In calmer climes
In happiness
Till the end of times

Alas till then
We must toil on
Look the storm in the eye
And say be gone
Be gone