Parting thoughts...a work in progress...

I stared and poured over things he'd shared
And wondered at those he hadn't
I screamed and shouted in silence and ached as my heart burned
For I knew a part of me wanted this
Needed this nightmare to be true
I knew I needed to be severed ..
frompo partsf me I knew to be true...
I had to suffer in silence.. to allow the pain to set me free
To bring forth a truth for all
Only I knew I could see
For I knew he wasn't truly ever mine
And that he only wished it so
So through his hurt and mine
I had to find a way to let us go
So I die inside each day a little
Just so we can both live tomorrow
And hope he will find his joy
As he finds his way through my sorrow
 I watch with bleak abandon
As they sail away in the sunset
Two wholes that now since parted
I see Atleast he finds his one
So now I watch and sigh
And hope my peace is on nigh
The freedom I so once wanted
I just hope the price wasn't too high 

You..my thoughts and I...

The realization that you have no one can be bleak and liberating all at once...
You see... when you're faced with the hard truth that there is no one but you..
What it eventually boils down to....
 is whether the you that's you is good enough for you ...

.........

Drifting... dreaming...
In an endless sleep
The delicious warmth
The Myriad dreams
I am awake
But I yearn to sleep
And so I float and fly

...........



I was me yesterday
But what am I today
That's what tomorrow will bring


..........

Odes to Halloween 2

Midnight's callings
Ever so sweet
Hushed minds rush past
They didn't see the beast

Lurking waiting
Patient and still
Lasting ever lasting
Waiting for the kill

Many a wayward walked this way
Many a foostsep walked right past
Those that stopped and listened
Were ones who stood there last

Grim and dreary
Dark and damp
No one knew
All they needed was a lamp

The shadows lurk where the light ends
Secrets lie in unopened doors
The trick my friend you fail to see
Is to choose the road where reality bends

Odes to Halloween 1

A lonely unhinged soul
Wanders the quiet streets
Seeking a spirit kindred
Wisps of known demons waft past it
Each leaving a residue of its individual dread

The moonlight struggles and fights to find its path
The clouds seem bleak and determined
The wind dies on its last song
The nights mulls its wrath

The noises drown the silence
The quiet an unknown beast
The monsters dance to unheard songs
The angels are dead at least

And in this night of nights
Each spirit may rise and turn
Where one might seek those looming heights
Where the fated may crash and burn

Soon the song rises from each corner darkened
Luring and reaching
And the soul finds a tide
On the rivers theyve been preaching

Rise and fall
Ebb and flow
Into the everlasting night
They must all go

Goodnight dear spirit
O lost dear soul of mine
Go find your tune to dance on
Go live the truth divine

Freedom

My souls seeks a freedom I cannot describe
An urgent klaxon a call to arms
Time slips away
Alarming in its pace
The clock ticks
Tick tok tick tok
But it all falls away to the side
As I wake each morning
Feeling my way through darkness that exists even in the light
Muted and blurred
My life moves on
I must break free
But I tire ..
The RIP tide pulls
No one told me to jump
I didn't
Just walked deeper till it was too deep to walk back
Maybe a raft will appear
I don't know
Maybe I'll float away into nothingness
But what there will be
Is freedom
And that's all my soul seeks
Free me universe
In whatever way you see fit ...

Paradise lost

I've been living here a long time...captive, in a prison of my own making. Trudging away towards an imagined paradise.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now...but I'm afraid...afraid of what I might find.

I'm not afraid of the bad actually...It's the good...

I'm afraid once I finally get to where I've been going all this while, I'll have nowhere left to go..

What if I can't make it ? What if.... paradise isn't all it's made out to be ? What if I'm not made for the reality that awaits?

What if ... all I want to do is to just keep walking towards paradise ...but secretely never really wanting to get there...

So I sit here, in my make believe prison. Cursing my sentence yet... thankful for the comfort it provides me .

Thankful I don't have to deal with the end result.

But I do want to make it, I just don't want to be disappointed. What if there's no gold at the end of the rainbow

Maybe someday I'll wake up and it'll all be over ..

Day 1

I wake up in the morning... there is a moment of blissful silence and then the voices come... screaming in my head ... churning in my soul.

I try to shake it off and get on with the day... but they're always there...like white noise in the background you learn to ignore ..

But what's worse than the voices is the constant waiting......just waiting for the next bomb to drop.. living on the edge wondering when the next surprise will trip me up and send me over the edge..

So I do what one does...I shake it off... keep going... and just as I'm thinking I'm in the clear ...Bamb!....

And there I am again...rolling down that jagged slope... reopening old wounds.. till I'm back to where I started ..

I'll sit there a while... catching my breath... trying to pick myself up and start over ...
Limp my way back up that slope...the wounds will heal... the scabs will form ...But with each round they go deeper... festering under the fragile scar tissue till life tears them open all over again...

Sometimes I wonder how many knocks it would take to stop healing...How long can you keep patching over a crack till it finally breaks apart and everything crumbles...

The funny thing is...when something keeps hurting over and over eventually you stop feeling it... It's like the nerve endings dying out around an injured limb and everything goes numb... or maybe it's just shock setting in...

I guess I'll know when I know...right now it's time to reset the clock and start over...

Day 1

Wake up..voices...white noise...minefield... Bamb! .it...shake it off...

Cycle..Rinse..repeat ...

Sometimes

Sometimes you just meet a bad guy
Sometimes there nothing you can do

Sometimes the world just crowds around you
Sometimes all you can do is sigh

Sometimes life catches up
Sometimes you're left behind

Sometimes it's pancakes and syrup
Sometimes it's back to the grind

Sometimes it all seems lost and dark
Sometimes the light is blinding

Sometimes the voices call and no one hears
Sometimes it all works out on a lark

Sometimes we need to stand still
Sometimes it's all spinning around

Sometimes we all need a new beginning
Sometimes it's all burnt to the ground

Sometimes all we want is to be lost
Sometimes we're waiting to be found

An ode to endings

Fly away birdie
You have new shores to find
Your nest is gone you see

You'll find a cloud to sail on
While I'm left standing on the ground

The winds have come a flying
The stars have cast a path
Its not like we weren't trying

So now it's time to strike out
Don't turn around and look back

I've seen the writing on the wall
It's been there for a while
It's ok if you answer the call

Perhaps it was meant to be this way
I think it's time to let go

Too long we've just been clinging
The lines are withered and worn
Its time to take what's life is bringing

You've always found your path
Preferred to strike it alone

Sometimes we need a hand to hold
Sometimes it's just not there
You were never one to do as told

So why hang on
Let it all go

Your world is right before you
New joys just waiting to be found
I deserve to find mine too

So just keep on driving soldier
The road is new and unworn

you see you started another story
So even if you want to change the ending
Its still going to be a little gory

Too little to late
How long was I supposed to wait

I can't do this anymore
Goodbye
Don't try to ask me why

Gone

You were too blind
To see me drowning
Too far to hear me call
To catch me when I fall

 I'd given all of me
So I drifted out to sea
Lost And never to be found
Wondering if you'd ever turn around

It's all gone in just one instant
And life it does seem distant
It's not hard for me to say
best to let it fade away
Fade away

Storm

Hush my raging mind
I know there is much to speak
Shed that roiling storm
Of which you reek
Through the waves that
Crash and burn
There are lessons yet
That we must learn
Drown and swim
Fill our soul to the brim
Rip the tide
And crawl ashore
You will find the home
You once knew before
There we'll rest
In calmer climes
In happiness
Till the end of times

Alas till then
We must toil on
Look the storm in the eye
And say be gone
Be gone