Life… is a struggle..
From the moment you push your way out into this world to the moment you take your last breath…
So what is it about this life that keeps us going?... we all want to live…we all want to do things…be someone…achieve milestones… yet sometimes , somehow…things just don’t seem to go the way we want them to…how do we keep from letting it get to us.. what do you do when all else has failed…the feelings of sadness and frustration don’t go away…you’re mired in despair and there don’t seem to be any windows left any more...
You just take a deep breath…. If that doesn’t help you take another one… then you calmly (if possible) take stock of the situation that you’re in… sometimes…when you just take a little distance from yourself… life seems a little different from what you thought it was…
My mother said..looking at your life out of context often helps. I never understood it till I actually did it. I was forced to take a cold objective look at what was going on with me, and when I did…I was surprised at the number of things that were now so obviously wrong or out of sync that I just could not see before…simply because it was all too close to me. So take a step back…take a deep breath and take a long hard look at what’s going on around you and with you. Remove all emotions that linger…attachments that hold you down…only then can you set yourself free.
Freedom of course is another extremely subjective term… what do we mean when we say we want to be free… do we want freedom of choice? Freedom to do as we will; to be free of repercussions …responsibility… or all of the above?
I’ve learnt it’s not exactly that…to me freedom means to not let fear hold you down…fear of reprisal….failure… not fitting in… and that only comes when you finally own who you are…when you are absolutely clear about what it is that you want to do…with yourself…your life… what your bottom line is…
So how do we define our bottom-line?....
Take a look at your life…the things you do…would like to do… the people in your life… and make a list of the deal breakers for them… a list of what you absolutely will not accept in your profession or standing as a professional…a list of what you will not accept in your personal life… how you want to be treated… behaviour, acts , opinions and your moral standing on things and issues… the kind of people you want in your life… a base denominator that you know represents the bare minimum you want for yourself… if that bottom-line goes out… then it’s time to walk away. If the base denominator or bottom-line is not being met at the very least in any situation in your life…it probably means that you’re in the wrong situation , place of work or relationship and all your work is being dedicated to an uncertain future. One that is probably not best for you.
Make that list and review it…be very sure of all that you have put down…once you’ve done that…go out and live that life… begin by being the person to yourself that you want others to be to you... pick out the pieces that just dont fit and dust them out of your life..
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It’s about getting the right cycle of life kick-started… for example… I hate getting cut off or having people skip the traffic light when it’s my turn… so I quietly sit at the signal till it turns green…even if I have a horde of impatient irate drivers honking away behind me just because the road looks empty. This way not only do I end up shaming some others into waiting their turn but also get the satisfaction of knowing I did something that I thought and know to be right. It’s a small example I know…but its these little things that add up to the bigger picture…
Don’t like to be out of place in a social setting?…reach out to that lonely guest the next time you’re at a party… don’t like rude people?...think twice before you snap at house help or service staff anywhere… it’s as simple as that… slowly and surely every little aspect of your life will begin to adhere itself to the way you want to shape it…soon you’ll be able to wake up for that morning walk that you were just too tired for…you’ll manage that film you wanted to catch and you’ll meet that deadline that seemed unfair… it’s because…bit by bit…everything in your life… from little acts to how you view the world and how it looks back at you is changing….armed with the confidence of knowing who you are and what you are made of…move forward knowing YOU have taken control of things… now I’m not saying that unforeseen events or sudden emergencies can’t throw lives out of gear… they can and they will….but knowing that you have and will have a grip on things is what will help you get back up on that proverbial horse.
The problem is that we all lead lives in excess of what they’re meant to be… trying to pack in more than the daily quota so there’s always a shortage… of time…patience… peace…breathing space.
Failures happen…hearts break…the world is a harsh place to be in sometime… There’s nothing wrong with grieving over a loss or being angry at something… by all means…cry your heart out…curse the cause of your pain or discomfort….and when you’re done venting… Just take a step back and breath… size up the broken misaligned pieces and start putting them back together…. One piece at a time…one day at a time…and watch your every being align itself into place…the place where you want it to be …the place that makes you whole…
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