Monday, May 3, 2021

MONSTER

 

An odd coexistence this is …

Symbiotic?... Parasitic..? ..maybe both…

The instinct to break free is ever present …a stubborn little light that refuses to go out ..

Everyday I crawl out a little further .. careful ..furtive .. inching forward… For the most part the monster stays quiet .. as long as I let him believe he’s won and I am his .. maybe not in entirety.. not anymore … For I shall carry his poison in me forever .. so he lets me be … Even loosens his grip from time to time … Letting me stretch but keeping me beyond my perception of freedom.

It’s been quiet for a long while now …long enough to lull me into a sense of complacency… Fooling me into thinking maybe …just maybe I’m almost out… Maybe he’s tired of me.. maybe he’s taken all he can …and I can be set aside for newer tastier prey…

I don’t trust it…the silence…it makes me uneasy … But…maybe…this time..? I can walk away..?  I turn and shine my light on him.. ever so slightly ..poke him a little .. watching… nothing.. so I start to move away… Holding my breath…waiting to exhale.. that’s when he strikes … always when I’m at the edge…digging into me as a reminder of what my reality is… tightening his grip till my breath chokes

There you are monster … I knew it wasn’t over yet… , he retreats satisfied of my compliance and I am left alone , breathing again…I feel his poison wash through  me , almost  comforting in its familiarity … Darkness comes and I fall asleep , dreaming of another day … another inch …


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